It's Hot As Balls Outside
by Cirque du So What?
A parody of the poem "It's Time For Winter To End" by Rob Magnuson


[Luke: Narrator]

It's hot as balls outside.
A summer poem by Cirque du So What.

It's hot as balls outside.
When winter ends, folks squeal with glee
and run around saying "we're finally free!"
I stay inside and crank the A.C..
It's hot as balls outside.

It's hot as balls outside.
On a leather chair you relax and slack,
Sleeping topless all the way down to your crack,
Then sit up and your skin gets torn off your back.
[SFX: *skin getting ripped off someone's back*]
[Chris: YYYYEEEEOOOOOOWWWWWWWCCCCHHH!!!]
It's hot as balls outside.

It's hot as balls outside.
I try not to leave, but when I must Sedan it,
I'll open my Ford and start to fan it,
Because my Mercury is hotter than it's namesake's planet.
It's hot as balls outside.

'Let's head to the beach!' the mass proclaims.
Check out the bikinis on all the dames.
All I see is gingers bursting into flames.
[SFX: *burst of flames*, *flames continue*]
[Devo Spice: AAAHHH!!! AAH! AAH! AAH!]
It's hot as balls outside.
[Devo Spice: SPF 127, MY ASS!!! AAAHHH!!! OW!! MY ASS!!!! AAH!!]

Most TV shows have gone bye-bye,
And allergens let loose and fly
While mosquitoes suck your arteries dry.
It's hot as balls outside.

While scores of drunkards crowd the scene
in line at music festival's latrine,
I'm home making my costume for Halloween.
It's hot as balls outside.

The summer's not the only heat,
Apparent by dogs who tend to greet
By plowing his boner into your feet.
[Dog: *dog humping a leg noises*]
[ShoEboX: GAAAAH!]
[SFX: *breaking glass*]
[Dog: *dog yelps while flying out window*]
[ShoEboX: My shin is not your bitch, you Alpo-slurping pervert!]
It's hot as balls outside.

In summer, you don't need a coat,
But I'd trade that for the swampy moat
Encompassing my taint and scrote.
It's hot as balls outside.

In the blistering heat, the plants won't grow.
All dried and brown, filling me with woe.
But you know what's actually pretty? SNOW!!!
It's hot as balls outside.

If you like summer, enjoy your bliss.
I'll just stand here sweating till I smell like piss
And think up more bullshit poems like this.
It's hot... as balls... outside.